Crash On The Couch

We got attacked by these fucking creeps in suits shit shit shitshitshitshit

shit

Fiona and I were out. When we went in the house, there were these weirdos in suits rooting through my stuff like goddamn lunatics. They heard us come in. One of them stood up and pointed a knife at me. What in the goddamn fuck.

Then something even weirder happened. See, there's a young man named Soren Jaeger who lives here in Atkins and rambles about monsters a lot. He refuses to settle down for too long because he thinks the monsters will get him if he does, so he's basically homeless. Well, Soren showed up outside our door.

I wouldn't really say he saved us, considering he's scrawny as all hell, but he managed to distract them. He just stood outside, waving his arms around and yelling like a dumbass.

Then he ran inside and punched Skinny Suit in the face. Couldn't have been a lot of force behind that punch, but Skinny Suit grabbed at his nose like he'd been hit by a champion boxer.

Big Suit, meanwhile, got up from my stuff and got out a knife of his own. I guess gunshots wouldn't be subtle enough for these incredibly unsubtle dumbasses. Whatever.

I panicked. I grabbed a lamp and smashed it into Big Suit. He stumbled backwards. He wiped the blood from his forehead and charged, his knife ready. My reaction time wasn't quick enough. It entered my chest. I screamed in pain and dropped the lamp.

Fiona turned around. Her eyes narrowed as she saw what was happening. She grabbed the lamp. She brought the base down on Big Suit's head. He fell to the ground, unconscious.

Soren was still fighting Skinny Suit, now without Fiona's assistance. He swung a fist at Skinny Suit. He was slow. Skinny Suit blocked the punch and pulled Soren down, then elbowed him in the head. It was short and decisive, and Fiona and I were too busy with my wounds to do anything.

Soren collapsed. Fiona and I were up against Skinny Suit alone. Skinny Suit stabbed at me with his knife, trying to hit in the same spot as Big Suit had. Dirty-fighting bastard. Well, I figured if he was gonna fight dirty, I was gonna fight dirty. I managed to wrestle the knife from his hands and made like I was going to stab him. I had no intentions of actually doing so, but apparently, it worked, because he ran off.

Soren woke up before Big Suit. He got to his feet shakily, assisted by Fiona and myself, and looked down at Big Suit.

"Shit," he muttered, seeming dazed still. "That guy's still here. What about the, uh... the other guy?" He gestured vaguely at Big Suit. "There were two of them. There's Lowe, where's Marten?"
"Got away," I said. I shook my head. This was too much. I'd started talking like I was in a goddamn action movie or something.
"Fuck. Okay. We gotta get rid of... we gotta get rid of that guy." He waved again at Big Suit, whose name was apparently Lowe.
"What?" I asked. "Get rid of him? What the fuck are you... what are you talking about?"
"Hey, how about we get Shan some medical attention first?" Fiona asked. "She's still bleeding from the chest. That's probably not great."

So I dialed 9-1-1 and made up a story about how I slipped while I was about to go cut a cake. Never mind that the knife was a combat knife, not the sort you'd use to cut a cake. Never mind that it was still in my chest, since removing it would just give it another chance to cut me.

So we ended up at the goddamn hospital again.

I don't remember everything that happened after that. Just look up "how to treat a stab wound" or something. It'll probably give about the same results. Long story short, I was... relatively fine. Fortunately for us, when we got back, we realized the suits entered when nobody was in the apartment but us. It's a pretty small apartment, so that happens pretty often, all things considered. For that matter, we got in when nobody was there, so we were able to clean up the mess without issue.

Well, either that, or everyone was just really nonchalant about how they heard me hit Big Suit with a lamp, scream in pain as he stabbed me with a knife, and call 9-1-1 after he and Skinny Suit were dealt with.

For now, Soren's sleeping at our apartment, specifically on our couch. Hopefully we can figure out something more permanent, but as it stands, he's a new tenant.

Also... terrifyingly enough, Lowe was gone when we got back. I can only hope he was too scared by the prospect of being caught as a home invader and stabber of random people to go to the authorities, because otherwise, he's almost certainly pinned us as having attacked him without cause. Which is... not a great feeling, all things considered.