Among The Living

I was at Barry's yesterday, cleaning up after everyone else had left. (As you may have guessed, I failed to keep my job at the library after I disappeared for several weeks and refused to explain why. Luckily, Barry took pity on me and offered me some work.)

The Unforgivable was sitting at a table in the corner and staring at me. I had no idea when she showed up. She smiled at me when our eyes met.

"Hello, Shan."
I walked over to her, repressing my urge to yell a long string of profanities instead. "What do you want?" I growled.
She smiled. "Meet me at the bridge at midnight tomorrow."
"What, North River Bridge? Why?"
"Of course I meant North River Bridge," she said, rolling her eyes. "As to why, I was curious as to whether you would be interested in a bargain. Here is my proposal: you let me take you over forever, and in exchange, I leave your friend's body. It would be exciting, wouldn't it, seeing if you can take back control? After all, your friend already lost his battle, as you can see."
"Soren. His name is Soren."
"I know what his name is," said the Unforgivable as she glared with the intensity of a psychic trying to light something on fire with their mind.  Probably me, all things considered. "I share a head with the idiot. His own name is bound to come up sooner or later."
"Prick," I muttered.
"My, my, cursing at a customer." The Unforgivable wore an expression of smug amusement. "They really let you do that? Maybe I should think about getting a job here."

I glanced around. Of course, there was nobody there. So I flipped her off.

With that, I went home to fill Fiona in on things. Admittedly, I still have to tell her about the Unforgivable's bargain, but I'm going to soon.

God. What do I do? This is stupid. This is so stupid. Of course I can't take her offer, but... Soren's still in there.

Your Twisted Shell

I went to the Atkins District Library for the first time in a long while. Remember that? Yeah, good times.

Then I got jumped from behind.

Soren and Fiona were with me. Didn't matter. I could see as I regained my focus that there were more than just two agents this time. Actually, there were six, including Lowe and Marten from way back when.

Shitheads and vengeance. Not a great combination.

Then Soren kind of... snapped. He took Marten, the one who had grabbed him, by the wrist. He twisted hard and quick. Something crunched. Marten stared at his wrist. It wasn't supposed to bend like that.

The other agents started to walk towards Soren. He looked up and gave them a smile that froze them in their tracks. It was cold and sharp like a butcher's knife.

Soren calmly got up and punched him in the stomach. As Marten was doubling over, Soren elbowed him in the head. He must have hit something important, because the agent crumpled like a tin can. Soren leaned down beside Marten, took the gun from his belt, and held it in the air.

"Well?" said Soren as the agents stared at him. "What now?"
Lowe backed away. "Who the hell are you supposed to be anyways? Some kind of runner?"
"You could say that." Soren advanced on Lowe, who continued walking backwards.
He tripped on something and fell to the ground.
Soren stared down at Lowe. "You're pathetic. You can't even run away without making a fool of yourself." He tossed the gun back to Lowe. "Noisy things, guns. Unreliable, as well. Now..." He turned to address the rest of the agents. "I would advise you run."

To make a long story short: they did.

"What the hell?" I asked Soren after the agents had cleared out and Fiona and I had stood up. Soren hadn't bothered helping us to our feet.
"I took care of the problem." He shrugged and gave a callous smile. "Can't make an omelette without breaking a few bones. Or something like that."
"...You're not Soren," I said, eyes narrowed. "You're the Unforgivable." I backed away.
Fiona stared at me. "What are you talking about?"
"He's not Soren, he's... I don't know, possessed. One of those Fears Soren was talking about was possessing me, and now she's possessing him. Her name is the Unforgivable."
"Took you long enough," said the Unforgivable in Soren's body. She smiled and stalked forward. "Does it really matter? I took care of things. I'm the only friend you have." She jabbed a finger at me. "You are a pathetic, miserable little inchworm."
"Give Soren his body back," I said.
"You deign to command me?" asked the Unforgivable. "You really are delusional." She walked away.

The Panopticon haven't come after us at all since then. I guess they assumed the Unforgivable was our ally. Didn't want to make them angry. In a way, she kind of is, although I get the distinct feeling she only protects me from other threats so she can break me herself.

Still. Gift horse, mouth, you get the idea.

Going Home

I was at North River Park, trying to work up the courage to go back to my apartment, when I saw Fiona.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath.
You knew it was coming, thought the Unforgivable. This is what you wanted, isn't it?
Go die in a hole.
Testy, aren't we?

Fiona's eyes widened when she saw me sitting on the bench. She ran over and hugged me. After a second of hesitation, I hugged her back.

Then she pulled back and gave me a death glare. "Where were you?! You haven't been responding to any of my texts, my calls…"

I dug around in my backpack for a second and took out my shattered phone.
Fiona stared at it.
"I thought one of those Panopticon guys was following me. I ran away, but I tripped and it broke," I said by way of explanation.
Fiona gave me a look of disappointment. "That... really? That is what happened here? I was worried sick about the total silence on your end, and you broke your phone trying to... God. I'm just glad you're safe." She hugged me again. "Please. Don't leave like that again."

You are a fool, thought the Unforgivable. This will not last. She will wish you never came back when she sees you for what you really are.
Why do you care?
...You're more naïve than I realized.

I came home with Fiona after that. On seeing me standing awkwardly in the doorway, Soren set his book down and ran to hug me.

I'm not exactly a chef, so the food I had while I was away was mostly junk. Fast food imported from south of the UP. That sort of thing. Fiona's cooking that night, and the three of us eating together for the first time in weeks... it was a nice change of pace.

Soon it will all be over, thought the Unforgivable. Treasure this. Keep it in your heart. Let the loss of it poison you.

Walk All Over You

Last night, something happened in my dreams. I was standing on a riverbank by the side of a black creek. It was dark, with no stars. The moonlight was only enough to see by.

The Unforgivable stood in front of me. Her back was turned. She turned to face me as I advanced on her. There was a mask of decay covering the face she stole from me.

I began to walk forward.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times," she said, "I am eternal. I am death."
"You're full of shit is what you are." I threw a punch. It connected with her diseased, sickening face. I can't remember if I felt or heard her nose break first.
"So be it," said the Unforgivable as she stepped backwards. "If you want to look yourself in the eye and kill the body I took from you, then do so. I can always find another host."
I ignored her. I punched her again. Her nose bled.
She beckoned to me. "Come, then. What is it you fear?"

I shook my head, turned away, and walked.

The Unforgivable appeared before me. "There is no winning, Shan Cassidy. We are inside your dream, and I control your mind. Or have you forgotten so easily?"

Tendrils of shadow burst from the ground where I was about to walk. Everywhere I turned, more tendrils. Soon enough, I was trapped.

"No more running," growled the Unforgivable. "I don't need you alive, but I don't want you dead. Just get in line and do as you're told already."

That was when I woke up.

I know I can't go on like this. I can't let the Unforgivable control me. I have to return to Soren and Fiona sooner or later. And that's exactly what I'll do.

I only strayed far enough from home that I wouldn't pose a threat to Fiona and Soren's safety, and I'm a quick runner. It won't take too long to get back.

The Unforgivable keeps speaking in my mind. You're worthless. They don't want you. They certainly don't want me. But I'm doing my best to ignore it, as difficult as that can be sometimes.

She's never hurt anyone in my body. I think she's gotten attached to me, in her own twisted way. If she did want to hurt Soren and Fiona, I have no doubt she could, instead of just driving me away from them. I'm tough and I'm quick when push comes to shove. I've dealt with small-town bullies before, after all. In my body, she could do some damage. But she won't. She wants to manipulate me, and I won't let her do that anymore.

I guess what I'm saying is... Unforgivable, I'm calling your bluff, and I'm sick of your shit.

This Mirror Isn't Big Enough

I was gazing into a pond, trying to forget everything, when I saw something staring back that wasn't me. She looked like me, but her skin was diseased and gangrenous. I didn't feel any different.

I dragged my fingers through the water, disturbing the reflection. When it settled once more, the face in the water was my own again.

The Unforgivable laughed inside my head. I didn't bother asking whether what I had seen was her doing.

A Thousand Bodies

I keep seeing dead animals along the side of the roads I walk. Deer. Rabbits. Skunks. The works. I guess there were probably always this many. I just didn't notice them until now.

Really, the only difference between them and us is that we like to hide our bodies. Pump them full of chemicals and stuff them in coffins, like they never died at all. We'd rather pretend to be immortal than admit that we're no different from roadkill.

Die Alone

Several days ago, the Unforgivable spoke to me inside my head in the middle of the night.

Fiona is the target of one of the Fears.

I am one of the Fears myself. I am part of the Dying Man, and I could take you over whenever I wished to do so. I could make you do whatever I wanted. You would be powerless to stop me.

You should leave at once.

I don't know if she'd really do anything to Fiona and Soren, but I can’t keep the possibility open.

The Unforgivable has started using my body more and more, and it's terrifying hearing her speak with my mouth to my friends. She tells them she- I- hate them. Every apology sounds hollow, but I can't tell them what's really happening. They'd reject me.

She can't be stopped. She's the end of everything.

I hate this, but I left. I vanished from Fiona and Soren's life. I hate myself so much for this. All I can think of is how much they must hate me too.