But You're Beautiful To Me

The night after we fought the Unforgivable, Fiona, Soren, and I watched a movie together.

"So, you've really never seen The Fog before?" Soren asked as he put the disc in.
"I keep meaning to watch it," I said. "Had it for four years, but never got around to it."
Fiona shook her head.
Soren smiled. "Well, there's a first time for everything."

Fiona and I cuddled close as the movie played.

It was honestly one of the best nights ever.

The World Is Ugly

Fiona stared at me. "...Soren is being possessed by a monster that used to possess you and made you act horrible to me, your girlfriend, and Soren, your friend whom it is currently possessing, so you would want to leave forever. And when this monster asks you to meet it at a bridge at midnight so it can possess you forever, you think this is... ideal?"
"I'm not saying I want to let her possess me. I just want to see what she's planning."
She looked away. "What if you're wrong?"
I sighed. "I don't know. I mean- I know it's probably a trap. I just have to know for sure."
She looked me in the eye. "Please, Shan, don't do this."

I leaned over and kissed her. "I have to. I know it's stupid. But I just... I need to end this. Once and for all. I've been seeing this... this thing in my dreams for months. For months, she's been telling me I'm worthless. That you and Soren are just tools to make me feel miserable. I don't care if I'm playing right into her hands. I have to do this."

She looked down at the floor. Her shoulders shook as she started to cry quietly.

I walked around the table and hugged her. "I'll be okay. We'll be okay."

She wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her sweater and kissed me. "I hope… I hope you're right. But I would hate it if something happened to you while you were away. Let me come with you."
I nodded.

With that, she and I went into the cold, rainy night to go to North River Bridge. As I left my apartment, I remembered how Fiona and I had moved in there several years ago. How we'd been together for nearly twice that long. How I'd be damned if I let that get taken from us by an asshole, a child, and a bunch of weirdos in suits.

The Cold Boy showed himself as we arrived at the street corner Barry's was on. "Miss Fiona!" he said excitedly. "Me and you and Miss Shan, we're all together now. Now we're all cold. We are cold, we are cold, we are cold!"

Fiona leaned down and patted him on the head. "You're in the wrong place, my friend."

The Cold Boy's eyes widened. For the first time, I saw emotion in them: fear. "Wait, you... you aren't cold at all. You're not cold." As he backed up, he turned to me. "Miss Shan... you're cold, aren't you? You, at least, you're cold? I mean... nobody wants to be around someone like you. You say mean things like hell and shit and stuff. You're cold because you're so mean and useless and... bad."
"I get that a lot lately," I said. "And you know what? Even if that were true, I don't think I'd care."
Fiona nodded. "Here's the thing. Nobody in this city is totally alone. You are not in New York, or Minneapolis, or Los Angeles. You are in Atkins, Michigan."
"You must be so lonely," the Cold Boy said. So why aren't you cold? It's not fair."
"The people who are here have to get closer. I know Barry," she said, motioning at the restaurant in front of us. "I know the guys working at St. Cedd's Cemetery." She pointed to the graveyard in the distance. "I know Shan." She kissed me.
"You're lying. Miss Reaper says it's very mean to lie. There aren't any people here. If someone says something mean about you, it's the only thing you hear all day. Doesn't that hurt? Doesn't it?!"
Fiona glanced at me and smiled. "Only sometimes."
The Cold Boy looked like an old lady in a horror movie. He clamped his hands over his ears and closed his eyes tight. "It's not fair," he kept saying, over and over. Eventually, he opened his eyes and took his hands off his ears, saying, "Miss Reaper said nobody here knew anyone. She's so nice. She's so smart. I don't get it. She wouldn't lie on purpose. She wouldn't get it wrong on accident. I don't get it." He punched a wall and snow fell off. "I don't GET IT!"

The Cold Boy whipped up a storm around him from the snow on the ground. "I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna take you just like Miss Reaper took your dumb, stupid friend, and I'm gonna kill you!"
Fiona shook her head. "It would hurt far less if Soren and I had not been friends while he was here."
"I know what you're trying to do here. You're saying you still care about him even though he's gone. But guess what? He's gone. He'll never come back. Miss Reaper's got him and he's gone forever. How does that make you feel? You'll never get him back and nobody else will ever be your friend. You're too cold. Nobody... nobody wants you. Nobody wants to be your friend and nobody loves you in the whole wide world."
I took Fiona by the hand. "I'm not nobody."

The Cold Boy howled. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut-"

As the Cold Boy screamed, he began to melt like the goddamn Wicked Witch of the West. Fiona and I looked away. It was a gruesome sight, even if he wasn't really a child, or a person at all.

I glanced at Fiona. "Come on. Let's meet the Reaper."

We headed to North River Park. It was still deathly cold, even with the Cold Boy gone. Not surprising, though. Upper Peninsula winters tend to be that way.

The Unforgivable was taking a drag from a cigarette when she saw me. "It's 12:30, Shan," she said, glancing in my direction before continuing to look out into the dark and icy water of North River. "I was nearly worried you wouldn't arrive."

"Drop the bullshit. Why do you want me here?"
She stared back at me and rolled her eyes. "I told you that. It was only yesterday. Or do you really have such a poor memory?" She rapped her fingers against the railing, then went on, "I want you to be my host forever. Your pain is delicious."
I gritted my teeth. "You know, sometimes you sound like a Holden Caulfield ripoff with an obsession with 2000s fanfiction."
She looked at me and blinked. "That's certainly an interesting approach to take. Not one I've seen before." She broke into a smile that looked almost genuine. "You know, Shan Cassidy, I've rather grown to like you. You've got fire in you. Dousing it is uniquely enjoyable."

I stared at her. "Let him out," I finally said.
"You'll have to let me in first."
I looked to Fiona. She gripped my hand tight.
I turned back to the Unforgivable. "No. I can't do that."
"You'd be surprised." She shook her head. "You know, Soren already succumbed. He let me in. He was weak. You, on the other hand, are special. Maybe you'd have what it takes to resist me. Our struggle could be made immortal. Consider it. The alternative, of course, is this." She gestured down at herself. "I don't enjoy this any more than you do. But if I took you over without you letting me in, it would be pointless. I'd get no enjoyment at all out of that. So I ask of you: let me in."
"Don't," Fiona said. "Please. Don't."
I stared at the Unforgivable. At Soren's face.
"You barely even know him, but I know you're considering," said the Unforgivable. "It would almost be heartwarming if it weren't so pathetic. Come on. You're weak. Let me in."
I looked Fiona in the eye. I looked back at the Unforgivable. I took Fiona by the hand and stepped backwards.
"Why do you walk away? There is nowhere to go."

The bridge in front of me burst and splintered apart as tendrils made of shadow forced the boards apart. Fiona and I ran the other way, back to North River Park.

"You know," said the Unforgivable, appearing before me, "the paranoia and self-doubt I've caused you recently have made a wonderful meal." She raised her hand upwards, and more inky tendrils emerged from the ground, surrounding her. "I am invincible. I am the end of everything. I can do terrible and wondrous things."

She stared me down. For the first time, I was truly terrified of the Unforgivable. "You want to stand up to me, little girl?" she roared, her voice barely recognizable as human anymore. "Then do it. Destroy me. Your rage is my food."
I backed away, my knees buckling under me as I started to cry.
"Just as I thought. Worthless." The Unforgivable stared down at me. "Enjoy crying in the dirt while your girlfriend tries to keep you from freezing to death."

Fiona helped me up. I blinked the tears from my eyes.

Fuck, I thought. Okay. I have to do this.

"Give me a second," I said to the Unforgivable. "Please."
"How easily you humans break," she said, smirking. "So be it. You beg nicely."

I led Fiona over to a bench and sat down, motioning for her to sit next to me. "I'm sorry, but I think maybe I have to do this. Soren and I talked once while you were away, and he told me things like her can only possess one person at a time. She can't take us both over. If she's controlling me, she's not controlling him. And I think maybe I can stop her."
"That is not an insult, but... why do you think that?"
I poked her nose.
She glanced down at my finger. "...Me?"
I nodded. "She feeds on isolation, just like the Cold Boy. Between you and Soren and everyone else I know... I think I can do it. I mean, Soren only has us. Of course it was easy for her to control him."
She sighed. "I hope you're right." She kissed me, pulled back, and said, "Please. Nothing stupid this time."
I nodded. "Nothing else. I promise."

I approached the Unforgivable. She was smoking another cigarette. "Where does the fool get these, anyways?"
She saw that I was glaring at her.
"Sorry. Were you about to say something?"
I cleared my throat. "Yes. I want to take your bargain."
Delight flashed across her face. Soren's. Whichever. "Ah, so you've finally chosen to let me in."

She grabbed my hand, and I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time: her presence inside my mind. It was like...

Do you get sick a lot? You know how you never realize how much you appreciated being able to breathe until the sickness comes back? It was like that. She entered me and I was assaulted by pins-and-needles all over. It was worse than anything of the sort I'd ever felt before, like nails being driven into every inch of my body.

I doubled over in pain, only able to vocalize a scream. Soren and Fiona tried to help me to up, but I was in so much agony that I couldn't even stand on my feet. They had to hold me upright.

Truth hurts, thought the Unforgivable. Come on. Let me take over. You've let me in, now let me eat.
No.
Wrong answer.

Shadowy tendrils grew painfully from my flesh and wrapped themselves around my throat.

This is what I did to Soren. Blunt, but effective. You know by now that your pain makes me stronger. The stronger I get, the worse I can make you hurt. Can't you see, Shan Cassidy? Your life belongs to me.

Soren and Fiona couldn't figure out what was going on, but they clearly knew something was wrong. They carried me to a bench, and Soren put his blanket over me.

"Fuck you too," I said aloud. Seeing the looks on Soren and Fiona's faces, I added, "The Unforgivable, not you guys. You guys are great." I stood up and hugged Soren. "I'm so sorry, for... well, for everything..."
He seemed surprised. "Uh... it's okay," he said before starting to hug me back. "And thanks, by the way. For getting her out."

This won't last, thought the Unforgivable. They'll remember why you left, and they'll wish you were gone again.
...Hey, remember how Fiona reacted when I came back?
Yes. It tore you apart. It was delicious.
That's not the point. The point is that I have people who care about me.
No. Nobody does. There isn't a person in this sick, twisted world who cares about anyone else.
You keep thinking that.

The three of us- well, four of us, technically- went back home after that. The Unforgivable said nothing more as we walked. She didn't say anything since then either. I know she'll come back sooner or later, but when she does, we'll be ready.

She never stood a chance.

Among The Living

I was at Barry's yesterday, cleaning up after everyone else had left. (As you may have guessed, I failed to keep my job at the library after I disappeared for several weeks and refused to explain why. Luckily, Barry took pity on me and offered me some work.)

The Unforgivable was sitting at a table in the corner and staring at me. I had no idea when she showed up. She smiled at me when our eyes met.

"Hello, Shan."
I walked over to her, repressing my urge to yell a long string of profanities instead. "What do you want?" I growled.
She smiled. "Meet me at the bridge at midnight tomorrow."
"What, North River Bridge? Why?"
"Of course I meant North River Bridge," she said, rolling her eyes. "As to why, I was curious as to whether you would be interested in a bargain. Here is my proposal: you let me take you over forever, and in exchange, I leave your friend's body. It would be exciting, wouldn't it, seeing if you can take back control? After all, your friend already lost his battle, as you can see."
"Soren. His name is Soren."
"I know what his name is," said the Unforgivable as she glared with the intensity of a psychic trying to light something on fire with their mind.  Probably me, all things considered. "I share a head with the idiot. His own name is bound to come up sooner or later."
"Prick," I muttered.
"My, my, cursing at a customer." The Unforgivable wore an expression of smug amusement. "They really let you do that? Maybe I should think about getting a job here."

I glanced around. Of course, there was nobody there. So I flipped her off.

With that, I went home to fill Fiona in on things. Admittedly, I still have to tell her about the Unforgivable's bargain, but I'm going to soon.

God. What do I do? This is stupid. This is so stupid. Of course I can't take her offer, but... Soren's still in there.

Your Twisted Shell

I went to the Atkins District Library for the first time in a long while. Remember that? Yeah, good times.

Then I got jumped from behind.

Soren and Fiona were with me. Didn't matter. I could see as I regained my focus that there were more than just two agents this time. Actually, there were six, including Lowe and Marten from way back when.

Shitheads and vengeance. Not a great combination.

Then Soren kind of... snapped. He took Marten, the one who had grabbed him, by the wrist. He twisted hard and quick. Something crunched. Marten stared at his wrist. It wasn't supposed to bend like that.

The other agents started to walk towards Soren. He looked up and gave them a smile that froze them in their tracks. It was cold and sharp like a butcher's knife.

Soren calmly got up and punched him in the stomach. As Marten was doubling over, Soren elbowed him in the head. He must have hit something important, because the agent crumpled like a tin can. Soren leaned down beside Marten, took the gun from his belt, and held it in the air.

"Well?" said Soren as the agents stared at him. "What now?"
Lowe backed away. "Who the hell are you supposed to be anyways? Some kind of runner?"
"You could say that." Soren advanced on Lowe, who continued walking backwards.
He tripped on something and fell to the ground.
Soren stared down at Lowe. "You're pathetic. You can't even run away without making a fool of yourself." He tossed the gun back to Lowe. "Noisy things, guns. Unreliable, as well. Now..." He turned to address the rest of the agents. "I would advise you run."

To make a long story short: they did.

"What the hell?" I asked Soren after the agents had cleared out and Fiona and I had stood up. Soren hadn't bothered helping us to our feet.
"I took care of the problem." He shrugged and gave a callous smile. "Can't make an omelette without breaking a few bones. Or something like that."
"...You're not Soren," I said, eyes narrowed. "You're the Unforgivable." I backed away.
Fiona stared at me. "What are you talking about?"
"He's not Soren, he's... I don't know, possessed. One of those Fears Soren was talking about was possessing me, and now she's possessing him. Her name is the Unforgivable."
"Took you long enough," said the Unforgivable in Soren's body. She smiled and stalked forward. "Does it really matter? I took care of things. I'm the only friend you have." She jabbed a finger at me. "You are a pathetic, miserable little inchworm."
"Give Soren his body back," I said.
"You deign to command me?" asked the Unforgivable. "You really are delusional." She walked away.

The Panopticon haven't come after us at all since then. I guess they assumed the Unforgivable was our ally. Didn't want to make them angry. In a way, she kind of is, although I get the distinct feeling she only protects me from other threats so she can break me herself.

Still. Gift horse, mouth, you get the idea.

Going Home

I was at North River Park, trying to work up the courage to go back to my apartment, when I saw Fiona.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath.
You knew it was coming, thought the Unforgivable. This is what you wanted, isn't it?
Go die in a hole.
Testy, aren't we?

Fiona's eyes widened when she saw me sitting on the bench. She ran over and hugged me. After a second of hesitation, I hugged her back.

Then she pulled back and gave me a death glare."Where were you?! You haven't been responding to any of my texts, my calls…"

I dug around in my backpack for a second and took out my shattered phone.
Fiona stared at it.
"I thought one of those Panopticon guys was following me. I ran away, but I tripped and it broke," I said by way of explanation.
Fiona gave me a look of disappointment. "That... really? That is what happened here? I was worried sick about the total silence on your end, and you broke your phone trying to... God. I'm just glad you're safe." She hugged me again. "Please. Don't leave like that again."

You are a fool, thought the Unforgivable. This will not last. She will wish you never came back when she sees you for what you really are.
Why do you care?
...You're more naïve than I realized.

I came home with Fiona after that. On seeing me standing awkwardly in the doorway, Soren set his book down and ran to hug me.

I'm not exactly a chef, so the food I had while I was away was mostly junk. Fast food imported from south of the UP. That sort of thing. Fiona's cooking that night, and the three of us eating together for the first time in weeks... it was a nice change of pace.

Soon it will all be over, thought the Unforgivable. Treasure this. Keep it in your heart. Let the loss of it poison you.

Walk All Over You

Last night, something happened in my dreams. I was standing on a riverbank by the side of a black creek. It was dark, with no stars. The moonlight was only enough to see by.

The Unforgivable stood in front of me. Her back was turned. She turned to face me as I advanced on her. There was a mask of decay covering the face she stole from me.

I began to walk forward.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times," she said, "I am eternal. I am death."
"You're full of shit is what you are." I threw a punch. It connected with her diseased, sickening face. I can't remember if I felt or heard her nose break first.
"So be it," said the Unforgivable as she stepped backwards. "If you want to look yourself in the eye and kill the body I took from you, then do so. I can always find another host."
I ignored her. I punched her again. Her nose bled.
She beckoned to me. "Come, then. What is it you fear?"

I shook my head, turned away, and walked.

The Unforgivable appeared before me. "There is no winning, Shan Cassidy. We are inside your dream, and I control your mind. Or have you forgotten so easily?"

Tendrils of shadow burst from the ground where I was about to walk. Everywhere I turned, more tendrils. Soon enough, I was trapped.

"No more running," growled the Unforgivable. "I don't need you alive, but I don't want you dead. Just get in line and do as you're told already."

That was when I woke up.

I know I can't go on like this. I can't let the Unforgivable control me. I have to return to Soren and Fiona sooner or later. And that's exactly what I'll do.

I only strayed far enough from home that I wouldn't pose a threat to Fiona and Soren's safety, and I'm a quick runner. It won't take too long to get back.

The Unforgivable keeps speaking in my mind. You're worthless. They don't want you. They certainly don't want me. But I'm doing my best to ignore it, as difficult as that can be sometimes.

She's never hurt anyone in my body. I think she's gotten attached to me, in her own twisted way. If she did want to hurt Soren and Fiona, I have no doubt she could, instead of just driving me away from them. I'm tough and I'm quick when push comes to shove. I've dealt with small-town bullies before, after all. In my body, she could do some damage. But she won't. She wants to manipulate me, and I won't let her do that anymore.

I guess what I'm saying is... Unforgivable, I'm calling your bluff, and I'm sick of your shit.

This Mirror Isn't Big Enough

I was gazing into a pond, trying to forget everything, when I saw something staring back that wasn't me. She looked like me, but her skin was diseased and gangrenous. I didn't feel any different.

I dragged my fingers through the water, disturbing the reflection. When it settled once more, the face in the water was my own again.

The Unforgivable laughed inside my head. I didn't bother asking whether what I had seen was her doing.